My Labour & Birth Story- Welcoming Esmeralda Earthside!

On Saturday, February 6th 2021, @ 2:48 a.m we welcomed a baby GIRL into our family! Esmeralda Melanie Mae Toronchuk was born with the most beautiful dark brown hair, weighing 7 pounds + 1 ounce and was 19.5 inches long.

After 2 months of recovering and coming to terms with my birth experiences, I feel that I am ready to share my labour and birth story with all of you! My birth story was unlike any other birth that I have yet to experience. It was such a whirlwind of emotions jam packed in to such a quick timeframe. My body went through things that I have never experienced before- such as shock. These are my real feelings, thoughts and emotions that took place on the night our daughter was born.

Like we had predicted, I had a record breaking fast labor + birth! From first contraction to the minute she was born totalling 1 hour + 48 minutes! (I added in a timeline for reference!)

Friday, February 5th @ 39 weeks pregnant. Hours before I went into labour

Friday morning I woke up with a deep ache in my lower back. It felt exactly like the back labor I had with my previous child, but with no contractions! I spent the morning googling '39 weeks pregnant, back labour no contractions' and the verdict seemed to be just a backache.

I decided to snap a picture just in case this was my last day pregnant- it also looked like I had dropped since the night before!

I spent the rest of my day trying everything to ease this back pain. Laying down, standing up, bouncing on my ball and rocking on all 4's! I got Logan to rub my back and push on my back, I even did the Miles Circuit too. I had multiples baths and the hottest of showers and it seemed like this back pain was here to stay.

I went about my day like normal and finished off the evening with a little bit of cleaning, slightly disappointed that I still had not gone in labor since my membrane sweep 3 days ago.

10:00 PM

I decided to retire early for the evening, in attempts of getting every last bit of sleep while I still could!

I reminded Logan not to stay up late playing videos (like I had been reminding him my whole pregnancy) because with our luck that would be the night I went into labour and he would get no sleep again, just like our last birth!

I felt exhausted but could not sleep! I tossed and turned for the next few hours listening to Logan's video games echoing outside the bedroom door.

Every now and then my stomach felt almost upset.. but I paid no attention!

Saturday, February 6th @ 39+1 weeks pregnant. 3.5 days after my membrane sweep

12:50 AM 3 hours of tossing and turning and Logan finally finished playing video games and crawled into bed too! Hearing him come into the bedroom definitely had me awake now!

1:00 AM I had a cramp and got up to go pee and when I wiped I noticed I had the biggest piece of mucous plug come out and what also looked like my bloody show. Now I was definitely awake! I walked back to the bedroom to tell Logan of my findings and at the same time I felt a massive contraction. With this baby being #4 I knew it was a 'time to go' contraction.

Me: "I don't think you're sleeping tonight. I just lost the biggest piece of mucous plug and I think my bloody show too." Logan: "Do you want to try and get some rest just incase?" (Wishful thinking eh.. I told him he should not have played video games so late😉) Me: "I don't know.. I think I'll get in the bath just in case."

All of a sudden I had another giant contraction.

Me: "Okay, this is it. We got to go. Get up."

And just like that it was go time. But first, a quick boomerang for the gram.. did you see it?

1:05 AM

I started timing my contractions and they were coming every 2 minutes, lasting 45 seconds - 1 minute long. Logan scrambled around the house getting all of our last minute things together and started the car since OF COURSE it was one of the coldest nights of the year! I spent my time contemplating if this was the real deal or if we should even bother to call Logan's mom... I mean... my first contraction only started 5 minutes ago.. could it really be time?

As I continued timing my contractions I began to mentally prepare myself for the car ride to the hospital. 1 hour + 10 minutes to the Royal Alex. The car ride was what I had been dreading the most. To have to sit still and in the same position, for that long and in this much pain.. was not something I looked forward to having to do again.

My doctor and I had previously discussed that with my history of fast labors, me being already 4cm dilated, this being baby number 4 and this pregnancy being so close together to my last.. that there was a good possibility that this birth was going to be insanely fast. He warned me about being diligent and leaving as soon as my contractions started. All 3 of my previous labors were medicated and because of how I handled the pain the last time around, I knew at the beginning of this pregnancy that I wanted to be better mentally prepared this time around.. just incase this time was too fast!

So over the course of my entire pregnancy I took all the advice from everyone and anyone I could, on how to get through a labor/birth with no pain intervention, just in case. I spent many hours reading blogs, watching documentaries, watching birth videos on YouTube, talking to friends and listening to positive affirmations that helped other mamas.

The same 3 pieces of advice that I was given multiple times over was:

1. Relax. You need to relax every bone in your body during a contraction, from jaw to pelvic. (Did you know your jaw and pelvis are connected? So relaxing one, helps relax the other!)

2. Breathe. No matter how impossible it seems, you have got to breathe through your contractions I was told. (Breathing in return keeps your jaw relaxed!) 3. Mind over matter. It is a mental game, you need to keep your head in the game.

After all my practising, it was finally time to put all the advice I was given to the test.

*Another huge contraction* Breathe Acacia. It's only 45 seconds It's not that bad.

1:26 AM I called Logan's mom and told her it was time, she came right over.

1:35AM

Logan’s mom arrived at our house, we said our good-byes and left for the hospital. Contractions were now 1 minute apart lasting 1-1.5 minutes.

I texted a few friends to let them know we were going to have a baby tonight!!

*Contraction* Breathe. Relax. Melt into the contraction Acacia. It's only 90 seconds Acacia. Just 90 seconds and then the pain will stop.

I watched the clock as we drove, breathing through every contraction just until the minute number changed- and let me tell you, I sounded more like a whale blowing water out.

The best way I can describe contractions to you, is that they feel like a wave coming over your stomach. Your stomach starts to tighten, and it keeps getting tighter and tighter. until eventually the "tightness" consumes the entire surface area of your belly and even wraps around into your back, until it reaches its ‘peak’.

Then just like that it's gone.

Like a wave. A wave that comes in and goes back out and you just gotta ride with it.

I literally gave my body into every contraction and tried my hardest to literally melt into my seat. I would close my eyes and just breathe.. forcefully lol. Luckily, my contractions were still manageable at this point

. In between contractions there is no pain. There is nothing. It was just as if Logan and I were having a normal car ride. For every few seconds in between contractions we would talk.

"Will baby be a boy? A girl?" "Will she have red hair like her brother did?"

We talked about how we were nervous. We talked about how we were excited. We talked about how I forgot to wake the boys up before we left to say goodbye.. shoot.

1:53 AM The past 20 minutes that I had been in the car felt like an eternity. How many contractions have I had by now, I remember thinking. 25? 30? 40? While waiting for a contraction I called my mom to let her know that my contractions started an hour ago and we were on our way to the hospital and should arrive in about 40 minutes.

I told her my contractions were coming every minute and were lasting about 1.5 minutes.

She joked, like she had been joking my whole pregnancy, that she didn't think I was going to make it to the hospital and to keep her updated.

During the next 30 minutes that it took is to reach Edmonton I would have to 'ride the wave' every minute, trying my absolute hardest not to let my body be overcome with pain. I could feel my body getting tired. I was having to focus even harder than before. My eyes were closed most of the time as my mind wandered into its own ‘zone’.

I just sat there, reminding myself over and over again to breathe and to relax. It was almost like a game as to how much I could relax every bone in my body.

Every few contractions a super intense one would occur. I couldn’t help but make sounds and even started moaning through a few of them.

My body was getting agitated. I just kept talking to myself I'm my mind.

*Another contraction*

Don't freak out. Breathe. Breathe. Remember what that girl said, ride the wave. Let it consume you and then it will stop. Women do this every day. Relax your jaw. Relax your shoulders. All you gotta do is last 90 seconds. 90 seconds and the pain will stop.

A couple more seconds.

Anytime I felt like my body couldn't take it anymore, I forced myself to just take it for one more second.

Just get through one more contraction Acacia. That’s all you gotta do.

2:20 AM Once we got into the city my contractions were so bad that I decided to stick my hand outside the window as we drove. The feeling of 'frostbite' kept me occupied as it felt more painful than contractions and it gave my mind something else to focus on.

By this point, every contraction felt like it sucked all the energy out of my body, but I just continued to force my body to melt into my seat and to breathe.

2 minutes of pain, for about 30 seconds of relief.. whoop!

My mind took me to a place of its own. Literally. A place I can truly say I have only experienced during 'transition'

. Transition

“Transition is the most intense and shortest phase of labour. During transition, you’ll have strong contractions with almost no break between them. These strong contractions will last 1-1.5 minutes each. Transition is the last stage of labour before your body starts to push"... says the sign in my doctors office.

I felt slight panic and I knew that the second I let my guard down, I would have a panic attack and it would be game over for me in the sense of trying to remain "mentally" in the game. If I didn't continue to sit and relax through these contractions, I was going to go into full-blown crazy mode and I could not handle that while strapped in a moving vehicle. So I just kept forcing myself to breathe and I told myself over and over again..

Just make it to the hospital first. Then you can lose your shit.

I made the hospital my 'safety net' If I could get there, everything was going to be okay.

At this point, I kept telling Logan he had to drive faster and that I couldn't do this anymore. He always responded by telling me that I could do this and we were almost there.

2:25 AM I opened my eyes and saw the exit sign for 97th street.

Me: “I need you to drive faster. I need you to run this red light.”

Over and over again I replayed our route in my mind, reminding myself that we were almost there and I just had to take it one step at a time.

*Badass contraction*

Okay. Relax. You just gotta get past Namao Center. Then the Yellowhead. Then you’ll get to the big baseball bat. Then the roundabout. THEN you’re there. Breathe.

I was now feeling nauseous which solidified my thoughts that I had reached the 'transition' point in labor, the last time I felt nauseous was during transition with my last birth.

Me: “Logan, I am feeling nauseous and the last time I was nauseous was when I was 6cm dilated with Sawyer. Please hurry. I can’t do this anymore.”

I was pretty incoherent at this point. My eyes stayed closed and I continued to relax into my seat with every contraction and I only remember bits and pieces of mine and Logan’s conversations. Most of them- consisted of me telling him to run red lights and that I couldn’t take the pain anymore and really needed him to hurry.

It is said, that when a woman ‘can’t take the pain anymore’, the end is usually near. I had a few more intense contractions which followed by a few moments of panic, as I felt that my body was losing this battle. Amazingly, I managed to get myself refocused.

Just breathe. Mind over matter Acacia. You’re almost there. JUST make it to the hospital.

Logan was so calm the entire drive which also helped me remain calm. He kept talking to me in between contractions which really helped keep me grounded and he kept reassuring me that everything was going to be okay and that I could do this.

*Contraction*

Breathe Acacia. Relax Acacia. Just a few more seconds and the pain will stop.

*Extra long contraction*

Just a little while longer. You can not lose your shit yet. 90 more seconds. 30 more seconds.

Okay the contraction is dying down. Okay now relax.

*Contraction*

I remember seeing Northgate mall and the Toys R Us that I frequently visit.

*Contraction* Then I remember crossing the Yellowhead.

Me: “I can not do this anymore, I need you to pull over or hurry up.”

Logan: "You can do this we are almost there."

Me: "It hurts. I need you need to drive faster, I do not want to give birth in the car."

Logan: "That would be okay. We are almost there. Imagine how proud you would be of yourself if you gave birth without an epidural like you've always talked about."

Me: "No. As soon as we get there I am getting am epidural. I can't take this anymore. Drive faster."

Logan held my hand.

I've never felt such a rush and such a calmness sweep through my body all at the same time. I needed to get to the hospital but I needed to relax and stay calm.

*Contraction*

You're almost there.

Keep your eyes closed and stay in the zone. Relax. You're coming up to the roundabout, just a couple more minutes. Roundabout, then parking lot. Roundabout, then parking lot.

Me: "Take a right and then your first left into the hospital parking lot"

Logan: "Where should I park?"

Me: "I don't know. Just pull into the loading zone."

We pulled up to the hospital doors.

2:35 AM (13 minutes before she was born) I was in so much pain I truly believed I could not get out of the car. My body wanted to stay focused, relaxed and in the 'zone'. At this point my contractions were lasting about 2 minutes with almost no break in between them and the only thing I could think about was HOW was I going to get out of the car, Get into the elevator and get upstairs, Get into the triage room, Sit down and give the nurses all my information,

Get changed, Get hooked up to heartbeat and fetal monitors,

Let them perform an internal exam, Wait till the nurses ‘decide’ I am in labor even though I KNOW I am in labor,

THEN get transferred over to labor and delivery. AND THEN GET AN EPIDURAL.

I replayed the process over and over in my head. From past experiences I knew this process was going to take at least 2 hours until I had some form of pain relief and I had to still figure out how I was even going to get myself out of the car.

This was all I could focus on and yet in the back of my mind there was a little voice telling me that this baby was coming now and I had to get my shit together.

*What felt like the longest contraction ever*

Breathe. You can do this. Okay. As soon as this contraction is done you need to stand up and go inside the hospital. You have to Acacia. You need to get out of the car.

I stepped out of the car, but then leaned on my seat. (Progress eh...lol)

*Another contraction*

You need to pull yourself together. You need to go into the hospital and get upstairs. As soon as this contraction stops you need to stand up and walk.

We left the car idling in the loading zone and walked into the hospital.

Logan: "Do you have your ID?”

Me: "No, I can't find my wallet let's just go. They're not going to turn me away."

When we got into the hospital we were greeted by a lady who asked if I wanted a wheelchair. I almost always say no because the thought of having to sit down again after the longest car ride ever, seemed like it would be more than I could handle.

*Contraction*

HOLY FUCK. FUCK. I can't do this.

Breathe. Focus All you got to do is get upstairs to triage and then you can lose your shit.

Just get upstairs.

Me: “No."

Logan: “Are you sure?”

Me: “Yes.. No... Okay.”

*Contraction*

I was frozen like a statue and all I could think about was how I had to get upstairs to the triage room. That room was my safety net in my mind, as long as I could get there, everything would be okay. If I turned down that wheelchair there was no way I was moving and there was a little voice in the back of my head that kept reminding me, this baby is coming.

The lady wheeled me into the elevator and up we went. At this point I am deep within my mind and no longer on planet earth.

I have surrendered my body- literally the calmness through the storm. I am breathing and moaning aggressively through contractions, stomping my feet during the realllllly painful ones.

Almost all conversation at this point took place solely in my head and when I was talking, Logan said I wasn't making much sense.

*contraction* *contraction* *contraction*

The doors opened and they wheeled me down the hallway to triage. As she parked the wheel chair OUTSIDE of the triage room was when we noticed that I was second IN LINE just to get into the triage room.

WHAT THE SHIT.

Instant panic flooded my brain.

This room was my safety net and now I am sitting in a wheelchair, in a hallway. I can feel my body getting restless and agitated. With every contraction I moaning. My body feels exhausted.

*contraction* I can not take it anymore. So I yell out.

Me: "I can't do this anymore. It hurts! The baby is coming!"

The security guard stares at me and the nurse tells me "I need to be patient and wait my turn" at this point, if it wasn't for the pain that literally took my breath away, I probably would have lost my shit.

Logan tells me it's going to be okay. He ALSO tells me we forgot my hospital papers in the car and he has to run back down to grab them.

Panic floods my brain. AGAIN. He was gone for what felt like forever.

I was sitting along in a hallway trying to remain calm and focused on my breathing. I am counting the seconds in my brain and reciting every positive birth affirmation I could remember. With every contraction I forced myself to breathe, which in return forced my pelvis to relax. My moaning and groaning was getting a little more primal during the really intense contractions.

*Contraction*

Breathe. Relax. Holy fuck. Holy fuckkk. I can't do this. You have to do this. As soon as Logan gets back up here, lose your shit. Tell him to bring you in no matter what the nurses or security says. Just breathe. Just one more minute and Logan will be here.

2:45 am (3 minutes before Esmeralda was born)

I see Logan come out of the elevator.. I couldn't sit there any longer in this kind of pain. Logan wheels me into the triage room and I immediately start rambling to the nurse. I am mentally checked out.

Me: "I am 4 cm dilated. My contractions are lasting about 2 minutes and are about 30 seconds apart. I tend to have fast labors. The baby is coming.”

I could barely talk which had me hoping the nurses would "sense" my urgency that this baby was coming.

Nurse: "Is this your first baby?”

Me: "No, number 4."

Nurse: "Okay, let's get you on a bed to be checked out."

*Contraction*

Breathe. She doesn't believe me that this baby is coming. She thinks I'm just a first time mom who doesn't know what she's feeling right now. Breathe. Holy fuck. Baby is coming. I'm not getting on that bed. Why doesn't anyone understand what I'm saying. I can't do this. I need to go upstairs to labor and delivery. I am not getting on that fucking bed. There's no way I can get on that bed even if I wanted to.

Logan wheeled me over to the bed.

Me: "THIS BABY IS COMING!!"

Nurse: "I need you to get onto the bed so I can check you."

By now, the pain had completely taken over my body. I could not speak. I could not move. I could not open my eyes. I had zero sense of my surroundings. In my head I am yelling at myself to open my mouth and speak. To tell Logan and the nurse what I am feeling but my body just wouldn’t. I was in a ‘zone’ that there was no coming back from.

Both Logan and the nurses had no idea what was going on because I was not articulating anything. I could not speak and I would not get on to the bed. I just stood there focusing on the pain I was in. To me, I thought it was ‘obvious’ that this baby WAS coming.

I was fully clothed. Sweater. Maternity leggings.

My brand new slippers. My “If you can see this I am in labor” sock.

My labor socks that didn't make it to the gram lol!!

I stood up from the wheel chair. I put my hands on the bed.

Me: "Ahhhh, why do I have to get on this bed, is anyone listening to me? Why do you have to check me?"

I remember feeling so annoyed that the nurse still wanted me to go through the whole admissions process. I could feel Logan help take my sweater off.

*Contraction*

How do they expect me to get on this bed? I'm not getting on that bed. This hurts. The faster she checks you, the faster you can get upstairs to labor and delivery.

Get onto that bed. Don’t get onto that bed.

I can't do this anymore. WHY is no one listening to me?

Me: "This baby is COMING!!!”

Logan: "Babe, I'll help you onto the bed."

Me: "I can't babe."

I don't know how to explain what I felt next. But I felt baby drop into my pelvis and I knew exactly what my body was doing because this felt allllll too familiar.

30 seconds. It took my body 30 seconds to push our baby out.

I can't do this. I need an epidural. This can't be happening. I am not ready. I need to get upstairs.

I dropped to my knees and started screaming "owwww" Like, loud screaming. (Sorry to all the first time moms in the room in early labor listening to some lady scream)

Don't push. Don't push. Don’t fucking push Acacia. You have prolapse. You don’t even know if you are fully dilated. This is happening right now. Your body knows what to do. Your body is pushing. Do not push. Just let your body push.

In my mind I thought everyone knew I was pushing since I was now screaming. I told them this baby was coming and now I was screaming, so how could they not know?

Nurse: "Has her water even broken?”

Logan: "I don't think so."

THAT is when I realized no one knew I was pushing.

Nurse: "Okay, well let's go ahead and take her pants off then and get her onto the bed."

I am still yelling. I could feel Logan pull my pants down, trying to get them off but they're stuck at the knees, since I am sitting on my knees, resting my upper body on the bed.

I reach down and I can feel the babies head and HAIR!

I could feel baby starting to crown. I can also feel that baby was stuck, so I tried to open my legs some more but my leggings were still on.

This is really happening.

I am completely and utterly unaware of my surroundings. I have no idea where I am sitting or who I am straddling. I am screaming from a combination of the pain, the adrenaline and the fact that I have no control over my body and am about 2 seconds away from delivering my baby. My body is yelling for me to speak up but I am frozen on my hands and knees. I can hear everyone talking, but I can't hear what they're saying.

I can only hear myself in my head and I couldn’t stop thinking that if no one notices I am pushing, that my baby is going to be born on the floor.

*contraction*

This is it. I can't move. Logan, I am pushing. Logan, you need to catch your baby because I can't move. Acacia if you don't reach down to grab your baby, baby will fall on the floor. I can't move. I can't move.

Then I hear Logan yell.

Logan: "I am holding a head. I am holding a baby here!!!

Little did I know, at this point, Logan was holding baby's head and shoulders, keeping baby from landing on the ground.

2:48 AM My body pushed one more time and just like that our little baby was born earthside.

Just like that the pain was gone. I could now hear the nurses yelling.

Nurse: “We have a baby!! Someone get NICU down here!”

I did not know it, but I was now in shock. One final burst of adrenaline and I look over my right shoulder and I see my baby for the first time, crying in someone's arms.

I am still on my knees, half resting on the bed. I am now beginning to come back down to earth.

It's bright in here now. I can hear Logan.

Logan: "Is... Is that a girl?"

That was SO fast. I gave birth on the floor. I can’t move. I just gave birth without an epidural, holy shit.

I am exhausted. Is baby a boy or a girl?

I can't believe I just did that.

I remember feeling someone tugging the cord and repeatedly saying 'ow' since the placenta was not out yet.

Later, I would find out that Logan did get to cut the cord!!

My eyes are still closed but I am slowly beginning to process things as my mind wanders and tries to retrace everything that just happened.

NICU? Is my baby okay? Why would they call the NICU if I'm full-term. Why is no one telling me if it's a boy or a girl?

Is it a boy or a girl?

Is it a boy or a girl?? Why can't I hear Logan? Why didn't they give me my baby to hold? You should have caught your baby Acacia.

Lift your head and say something.

Everything is a blur. It had been seconds, but it feels like so many minutes. I'm still on knees as I physically can not move.

Never have I experienced a moment where I didn’t control my body.

Then Logan comes over and rubs my head.

Logan: “We have a baby girl. You did it babe.”

He gives me a kiss. I can not move. But I now feel peace in my heart.

Next thing I knew I was laying on the bed being assessed, completely exposed. There were many nurses coming in and out, asking me questions about my pregnancy and any concerns my doctor may have had. I told them we were originally concerned about the size of baby but that an ultrasound at 36-weeks confirmed everything was okay. A student doctor showed up and delivered the placenta and checked me for any rips and tears. I had to get a needle in the butt to help with the bleeding so you don’t haemorrhage. When I asked why, the nurse said they usually put in the IV with the epidural but since there was no time for that.. needle in the butt for me it was!

Logan was still with the baby and the NICU nurses just behind a curtain from where I was laying.

Was something wrong? I just had an ultrasound and baby looked healthy. How big was my baby? Why can’t I hold my baby?

Why is NICU here?

My body was still in shock.

Little did I know Logan was also feeling many emotions as he watched the NICU team handle his baby and help get the babies oxygen up. After about 20 minutes Logan comes back in and tells me everything is okay and that we have a beautiful baby girl. He told me that NICU had to come down to administer some oxygen, as her stats were in the 30’s, which is common when babies are born too quickly.

The nurses asked Logan if he wants to come while they weigh her, I remind him to make sure he gets a good picture!